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Is there an area of your life
you’d like to improve? Do you wish for more loving relation-ships?
Less stress? More time? More money? Better health? Someone to share life
with? Some people call these longings “divine discontent.” We
seem to be programmed to wish for more, no matter how much we have. The
blessing in our discontent is that it forces us to think about how we
might change things. Usually, our early attempts focus on
changing other people (if only he/she would…) or changing our
circumstances. In time, however, we learn that trying to change others
is a waste of energy – it simply can’t be done. And many of us learn
the hard way that even when we decide to change our circumstances and
leave what’s causing the pain behind, things turn out much the same
with the new love interest, job, or home. Another trap is getting caught up in
self-improvement and goal setting.
This kind of wishful thinking promises everything will be great
if we just lose those 10 pounds, get the degree or promotion, or move
into a more expensive house. Even though these accomplishments are
commendable, we find they still don’t satisfy for long. When all these strategies inevitably
fail, some people simply resign themselves to the situation (that’s
just the way life is), some fall into depression (is that all there
is?), while others use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. On the other
hand, there are those who are lucky enough to experience some kind of
crisis – an accident, illness, or serious addiction – that forces
them to finally understand that meaningful change can only come from
within. According to Louise Hay, the world
renowned, best-selling author of over 18 books on this subject, there
are two simple keys to personal positive change: self-approval and
self-acceptance. Sounds simple enough but, for me,
learning to accept and approve of myself took a lot of work. Even as a
child I had a hard time understanding the commandment to “love your
neighbor as yourself.” Even at an early age, my experience was that I
loved other people better than myself. (In the popular psychology of the
1970s, this used to be described as a You’re Okay, I’m Not Okay
worldview.) Anyway, common sense told me if I were to treat others as I
did myself, they’d all move as far away as they could, as fast as they
could. I was ready for Louise’s advice
when I read her best-known title, You Can Heal Your Life,
and started to practice catching and correcting the negative self-talk
that went on in my head all day, every day. Do you know that
voice? It’s the one that says things like: You’re not smart enough;
you don’t deserve that; you look awful; you’re lazy; and you should
lose weight. As I practiced changing these
negatives to positive statements, I found I had a better, brighter
attitude about life. By countering those thoughts with positives like: I
can figure it out; I’m deserving of everything my heart desires, I
look wonderful; and I could lose weight, my growing sense of
self-acceptance told me I was finally onto something that could make a
difference. And it was so simple. Why not try this yourself? Just
experiment with it for a week. It certainly couldn’t hurt and it may
help a lot. To get the most out of the exercise, start by writing a
brief summary of how you’ve been feeling and list the negative
messages you are conscious of telling yourself each day. At the end of
your experiment, summarize how you feel, what you’ve learned, and the
new positive messages you are practicing. It is through small steps like these that we quiet “divine discontent” and learn to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. |
