I attended a recent meeting on racial profiling in Evergreen Park, Illinois, that gave me new perspective. (And the perspective is not limited to only this topic.)
Unpleasant and unfortunate "situations" will always be with us. The walls that separate us may be high but when people of good faith and good hearts, are willing to talk it out -- are willing to stand toe-to-toe and endure the discomfort of conflict -- dialogue begins and eventually the specific issues may be resolved.
All long-term, productive relationships are grounded in learning how to disagree without being disagreeable. That is not an easy skill set to master because the real issues are rarely about who is right and what is wrong. The stumbling blocks are always about communication and about personal insecurities.
Some people believe they live in a zero sum world. “Zero sum” is a term used in accounting that means that there is only a finite amount of a commodity. When it is gone, it is gone. The pie never gets bigger and there may not be enough for everyone.
Others subscribe to the theory of an infinite universe. More will always be created or provided. The pie will always get larger and there will always be a piece for you.
What does that have to do with this discussion of racial profiling, of one race hating another, of age-old conflicts between religions, and the struggle between the “haves-and-have-nots”?
Everything.
There are those who believe that if you have more, I must have less.
There are those who believe that if I am good and you are different, you must be bad or at least wrong. And list goes on and on and on.
An insecure person is threatened by differences of opinion, of language, of religion, of sexual orientation, of skin color. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, (although actions and words obviously have consequences) and no one is responsible for his/her antecedents or background.
You don't have to love or even like -- everyone, but everyone IS entitled to respect. It's ALL about respect.
RESPECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Your friends and family Your clients, customers co-workers and occupation
Other ethnic groups, countries and languages
Other skin colors and the other gender
Other religions, societies, practices and beliefs
Tolerance closely follows respect.
When you can tolerate your own imperfections, you can tolerate imperfections in others. “Judge not lest ye be judged” is also about how you judge yourself. When you judge others harshly, you undoubtedly were judged harshly, and you tend to judge yourself even more harshly.
The world's a mirror of your own beliefs about yourself. When you appreciate the best in others, you’re able to appreciate the best in yourself.
When you hate others it’s because they remind you of something you hate within yourself.
When you criticize others, it’s because you’re self-critical. When you're unloving to others, it’s because you feel unlovable.
It all comes down to knowing yourself, accepting yourself, respecting yourself, and then you'll be able to respect others. Can ANYTHING be poured from an empty pitcher?
An African-American good friend of mine, related an unfortunate race-based incident to me and concluded, “I refused to let them make me act in any manner that did not dignify me.” She refused to let other people’s pathetic behavior or hateful words control her response. She totally accepted responsibility for her own dignity.
Now THAT is self-respect.
Can you imagine what would happen in this world if nothing more than basic respect was expected and accepted in each and every situation?
Perhaps people would listen more, perhaps people would not hit, (or shoot or go to war) and perhaps “just perhaps” people would give each other the benefit of the doubt.
The mean-spirited would eventually wither and fade away from lack of attention and the rest of us would ultimately be able to co-exit peacefully.
I don’t have answers about how you deal with those who treat you unfairly but I do know that the more whole you become, the better prepared you will be to deal with any situation.
