| You listen to a telephone
caller whose tone or rate of speech makes you cautiously
hesitant—though she may be promoting an exemplary cause.
You hear a sales presentation that’s organized but lacks
personality and you straddle the fence on a decision.
Your boss mouths a “congratulations” on your latest project
but you see a frown.
When it comes to face-to-face communication, when both message and messenger are laid bare before the listener, there is less room for misunderstandings that often occur in other mediums. Yet many face-to-face messages go misunderstood everyday. We’ve all heard the typical interpretations of various gestures: arms folded across the chest indicate a closed attitude, leaning forward means interest, shrugged shoulders mean indifference, narrow eyes and a set jaw mean defiance, and a smile and nod mean agreement. But few gestures convey meaning in and of themselves; they have to be interpreted in clusters. The real meaning comes only with context and as exhibited by a particular individual. Look over before you leap in. Before you decide to risk too much on reading a customer’s, committee’s, or team’s body language, establish what’s normal for that person or group. Chat with them on a neutral subject to get a reading of their normal mannerisms before you try to interpret how they react to something controversial. Robert may always sit with his arms folded across his chest, Sandra may never make steady eye contact when speaking, and Joe may wear a constant smile whether he’s happy or indifferent. Maintain an appropriate distance for the message you intend. Edward T. Hall has done extensive research on proper distances in American culture. Patting someone on the back, letting a friend cry on your shoulder, and reading a report over someone’s shoulder represent intimate distances—touching range. Personal distance, from 1 to 4 feet, is appropriate for conversations you don’t want to have overheard—like a problem shared in confidence. Social distance, about 4 to 12 feet, is comfortable when conversing with others when you don’t mind if people overhear—at a cocktail party or in a sales presentation to a customer. Public distance, farther than 12 feet, is used to establish formality and control when speaking before a group. Conversing from the correct distance makes the difference in your control, authority, and rapport. Awareness of these differences prevents you from making others feel as if they’re being either “invaded” or ignored. Tune in to voice tones. People with a high-pitched voice give the impression of being nervous, immature, or lacking in confidence while people with a low pitch sound confident and competent. We typically expect low pitches in the boardroom. Just as a conductor alters voices to achieve different moods, styles, and receptivity, so you too can modify your own voice once you become aware of your pitch. A slow rate of speech implies well-chosen words and underscores the import of the message. A faster rate of speech creates interest and demands attention. Remember
that others may be touchy about being touched.
Pats, squeezes, brushes, strokes, and hugs happen every day in
the workplace. Some become
the basis of sexual harassment charges; others convey sorrow and comfort
at the death of a friend or colleague.
Touching underscores much of what we intend to communicate: friendliness, empathy, consolation, excitement, commitment,
sincerity, goodwill, and hostility. Sorting out which is which presents a difficulty for some. If you sense that people recoil at your touch or if you feel hesitant to touch others when the occasion calls for it, proceed with caution. When in doubt, don’t. Keep a steady eye out. Locking eyes with another can say to the other person that you’re interested in them, that you think they’re important, that you believe in what you’re saying, or that you believe it’s important they hear what you’re saying. On the other hand, withholding eye contact can say to others that you don’t think they’re worth getting to know, that you’re not interested in them, that you’re lying, or that what you have to say is of little consequence. Eye contact is so powerful in our culture that one can use it to summon a waitress, reprimand a subordinate, or quiet a noisy room. It can be your greatest tool in building—or weapon in destroying relationships. Know how your body talks. A message heard and not seen is only half communicated. |
