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Eddy Murphy did it in
Coming to America, Jeremy Irons did it in Dead Ringer and Hayley Mills did it in
The Parent Trap. They all played dual roles and met themselves coming and going.
But without movie magic, the rest of us are stuck in one body. Faced with
competing demands for your time and attention, you have to make hard choices
about balancing your personal life and the demands of your work. The myth of "have
it all, do it all" has been pretty much discredited, but the conflicts
remain. How can you balance the intense demands of career, family, community,
and self without disintegrating into a puddle of mush? Here are some ideas
that have worked for others. Give them a try and see how they fit into your
lifestyle. 1. Be where you are.
Guilt and indecision are enormous time and energy wasters. If you're one place
and feel you should be another, neither gets your full attention, and both
suffer. You might as well be home in bed under the covers for all the good you
do. Commit to what you're doing now 100 percent, knowing that when you're
elsewhere, you'll be equally committed and intense. There's an old saying,
"Whether you are kissing your beloved or serving a customer, concentrate on
what you're doing for best results." 2. Set your own
priorities. Just because you
could do something doesn't mean you should do it. You don't have to rise to
every challenge like a fish leaping for a shiny lure. Notice when you are being
diverted from your goal or task. If you find yourself
torn between priorities, take five minutes and start this exercise. Write
"My Philosophy of Life" on a small index card and "My Philosophy
of Business" on another. Then fill in your beliefs, commitments, and
values. Index cards force you to express yourself succinctly in the small space
available. Also, you can carry these cards in your wallet, reviewing and adding
to them often. The more you reaffirm the "who, what, and why" aspects
of your life, the less likely you are to let people and circumstances pull you
off course. 3. Negotiate.
Inevitably, you'll find yourself having to make tough choices because you need
to be in two (or more) places at the same time. Here are some things to try.
Delegate if possible. If not, explain and negotiate. Suppose you are scheduled
to make an important speech in Hong Kong on the day your child is in the school
play. Can you switch either date? Can you pre-tape your presentation or do it
via a live hookup? Can the date be changed? Can someone else do it? If the
answer to all three is no, can you arrange to videotape the school play and have
a follow up party for family and friends with a jumbo-screen TV? Be creative!
When you must say "no" in one area, set a time in the immediate future
to fulfill that commitment. Then keep your word! 4. Accept that the
extraordinary is normal. There's
no such thing as a normal schedule. In fact, three days in a row without a
crisis would be distinctly abnormal. Just when you think you've got everything
neatly under control, something will change and you'll need to find new answers.
Instead of going into a tailspin, incorporate a disaster buffer into your
schedule, having a backup Plan B. Illness, school closures, traffic jams,
mechanical breakdowns, even satellite failures are simply givens in the 21st
century. Don't squander a second of your precious energy on frustration,
complaint, or regret. A little advance planning will help you move automatically
into your problem-solving mode. 5. Consider your
private life a career. Book
time for personal growth, R&R, dating and courtship, and family. If you live
alone, set aside time with friends and relatives, and make appointments with
yourself for personal growth time. If you live in a family unit, schedule
specific times with each member of the family team when you can be together
exclusively. At least one hour set aside is better than a few minutes here and
there. Use this hour as a time of togetherness and mutual sharing. Use an oversized
calendar to record four kinds of family time: (a) your special appointments with
family members; (b) major vacations; (c) quick get-aways, two- or three-day
mini-vacations; and (d) priority and "make up" days. Post this calendar in
the kitchen or family room for everyone to see. Hold family meetings at which everyone is scheduled to offer
a gripe and brag. Other team members can offer sympathy, support, and praise. Keep a file folder for
notes about small and medium things that come up when you're apart that will
need discussion or decisions. Set aside an hour or half-hour once a week to go
through the file together, discussing and making decisions. (In my household
it's called the Friday File, and we allocate a half hour.) Such a file clears
your mind and schedule of clutter, and the time limit promotes efficiency. Any
job will expand to fill the time available. People tend to let
debates about little things go on and on, dominating their personal time. By
using the file method, you can free up everyone's time for pleasurable
interaction or more effective handling of the big issues. There's no such thing
as perfect balance, but your everyday effort will keep you on track, and the
results will be worth the effort. Norman Vincent Peale said, "I never heard
of anyone on their death bed who regretted they hadn't spent more time at the
office." Integrating your business and family careers may be the most
difficult job you'll ever do. It's also the most rewarding. Achieving a balance
between self-sacrifice and self-fulfillment takes constant hard work, courage,
commitment, and ingenuity. You won't always succeed, but the results, when you
do, are called a rich, fulfilling life. |
