Main Entry: de•pend
Pronunciation: di-'pend
Function: intransitive verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French dependre, modification of Latin dependEre, from de- + pendEre to hang -- more at PENDANT
Date: 15th century
1 : to be determined, based, or contingent depends on food> Y depends on X>
2 : to be pending or undecided
3 a : to place reliance or trust depend on me> b : to be dependent especially for financial support
4 : to hang down
Just like Webster gives us a choice for the use and meaning of the word depend, we have a choice to complete our tasks by the calendar goal date, or at least to give it our biggest push. Year end pushes are not unique. It seems that much of our lives have been structured to react to and be constrained by the calendar. So when we ask the above question, frequently we answer, “That Depends.”
Using Webster’s definition #1, fill in the blank: success depends on __________. Did you say, “Money, Cash, Income, Dollars, or Earnings”? Money is only currency used to survive in this Work-to-Eat-World. Yes, we need money to survive. Yes, show up and get paid should be a daily goal and currency is what we are paid - but is currency a necessity of success?
At the beginning of the year, many of my students prioritize their personal values, (see Values Prioritization checklist at end), an exercise I have used and shared with students, family, and friends. Understanding how Personal Values help us achieve or keep us from achieving our goals is a great life lesson.
Example, Betty, a single parent with 3 children, sets a goal to earn a lot of money. Knowing that if she doesn’t specifically define a lot of money and what it takes to achieve this goal, it is only a wish - like saying she wants to win the Power Ball but doesn’t buy a Lottery Ticket. Betty clearly defines a lot of money as $100,000 and creates a plan outlining the tasks necessary to earn that amount by listing and selling real estate. Let us, hypothetically, say that her plan includes a 60 hour work week, which Betty accepts and resolves to do. However, Betty’s children, the loves of her life ages 3, 8, and 12, are very active in school, sports, and dance. Will Betty work the 60 hours a week to achieve her goal? No, in truth, time away from her children is against her values. Her goal of $100,000 income is incongruent with her values and, therefore, her values will take precedent. Values must be congruent with goals in order for them to be achieved.
Interestingly, after September 11th, 2001, an overwhelming number of people who completed the Values Prioritization list placed Family Happiness as their top priority. In fact, 95% of ASPIRE (personal strategic planning curriculum offered by ROSSI Speaks, inc. http://RossiSpeaks.com) participants did so. This being true, why is it that even they fill in the above blank as money instead of Family Happiness?
I believe the answer to that question is Habit. From an early age, the importance of money is ingrained within us. Our government, churches, teachers, and parents fret, even argue, over money. Entertainment, television, and print media all bombard us with messages that imply money is everything. The so-called Golden Rule turns green - He who controls the gold makes the rules. It is easy to control a Work-to-Eat-World by controlling the money.
The goal of many corporations is to do just that - not to get your money in big chunks - that’s too difficult, but to get your money a little at a time on a continuum. It is obvious that three easy payments of $29.95 are easier to make than one payment of ninety bucks. Why do you think we are mailed credit cards by the hundreds and encouraged to freely use them. Corporate America wants us to all join in and sing, “I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go.” Like cigarettes, credit becomes a habit, then a fear - fear of 'not having enough money'. These businesses use the fact that people are more motivated by their fear of loss than they are their desire for gain and create dependency through credit.
Do I want to work harder so I can charge more? That depends. Webster’s #2 definition of depend states; to be pending or undecided, which means I must not be decided. In the past, at the end of the calendar year, I would often get a queasy feeling, an unidentified feeling of dread that physically affected my attitude. It wasn’t until I began to write clearly defined goals, congruent with my values, that I understood what caused that feeling. It was my indecision. Not having a plan of where I was going, and why, made my stomach jump - similar to getting in the car to take a trip and asking, “Where are we going?” Or, in Betty’s case, knowing she doesn’t have 40 extra hours a week to work!
Will I write and prioritize my well-defined goals congruent with my values and create a plan? That depends - on whom, for what? Webster’s #3 definition of depend says, 3a: to place reliance or trust depend on me. Oh darn, that old depend on self deal again, unquestionably. Who else is responsible for you - your parents, boss, spouse, children, the Government? I think not, responsibility is uniquely individual. If you are hit by a car while crossing the street, was it the car’s fault? How about the driver of the car? Or is it YOU because you didn’t look both ways before crossing the street. You are the Scottie Dog or Shoe Piece in this Monopoly Game of Life. It is your sole responsibility to protect your piece.
Can you accept one hundred percent responsibility? That depends. Webster’s 4th and final definition says, 4: to hang down. Well, don’t hang down your head and feel bad, most of us want someone or something else to be responsible for our actions, or lack thereof. It is human nature to want to be taken care of from time to time. And, in our immediate past, we could work for the man for 50 years and get a gold watch and a monthly retirement check or turn to our Government for social security. That kind of security no longer exists, or maybe never did, or was never enough. The bottom line truth is - YOU are responsible for YOU. Your happiness, health, values, income, beliefs, and success are your responsibility. That doesn’t mean you get zero help from others, it just means that they are not responsible for you.
Okay, now execute the following steps:
Values Prioritization Checklist
• Do or redo the Values Prioritization Sheet. For more copies go to http://values.RossiSpeaks.com
• Write three specific goals you want to accomplish or finish by year end. If they are not completed by that time, move the date.
• Prioritize them by asking yourself, “Which one is more important to me?”
• Verify that these goals are congruent with your values.
• Rewrite each goal in present tense using all five senses as though it has been accomplished.
• Write, prioritize, and time/date six strategies necessary to accomplish each goal.
• Verify that the strategies are congruent with your values.
• Now, outline all the tasks necessary to accomplish each strategy and time/date them.
Congratulations, you have just created a Personal Strategic Plan. Review your Plan daily and watch the queasiness go away. Take a deep breath, relax, and smile that today you won’t have to wear depends.
